“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Gen 2:24
In the grand narrative of human existence, few decisions carry as much weight, promise, and transformative power as the choice to enter into the covenant of marriage. It’s a step that beckons us to move beyond the confines of self, to embrace the beauty of partnership, and to embark on a journey that reflects, however imperfectly, the very nature of God’s love for His people.
C.S. Lewis, in his profound wisdom, once wrote, “Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling.” Here, Lewis invites us to look beyond the fleeting emotions of romance to the deeper, richer reality of committed love that marriage offers.
But let us be clear – marriage is not a panacea for life’s troubles, nor is it a guarantee of happiness. It is, rather, a crucible in which two individuals are refined, challenged, and ultimately transformed. As G.K. Chesterton humorously noted, “I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.”
This incompatibility that Chesterton speaks of is not a flaw in the design of marriage, but rather its very genius. It is in the friction of two distinct individuals coming together, in the daily dance of give and take, in the constant need for forgiveness and grace, that we find ourselves shaped more and more into the image of Christ.
But why, you might ask, should one consider marriage in an age where cohabitation and long-term partnerships without formal commitment have become increasingly common? The answer lies not in societal norms or expectations, but in the very nature of God and His design for human flourishing.
Marriage, at its core, is a covenant – a sacred promise that mirrors God’s unwavering commitment to His people. When we say “I do,” we’re not just agreeing to a set of terms and conditions; we’re entering into a mystery that the Apostle Paul describes as reflecting the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Os Guinness reminds us, “The problem is not that Christians are conservative or liberal, but that some are so confident that their position is God’s position that they become dismissive and intolerant toward others and feel justified in using any means to advance their views.” In discussing marriage, we must be careful not to weaponize it as a tool of judgment or exclusion. Instead, we should present it as the beautiful, challenging, growth-inducing gift that it is.
So, to those who are single and contemplating marriage, I offer this gentle encouragement: Do not rush into marriage out of fear or societal pressure, but also do not shy away from it out of fear of commitment or loss of independence. Instead, prayerfully consider the opportunity it presents – the chance to participate in a living parable of God’s love, to grow in ways you never imagined, and to create a stable foundation for potential future generations.
To those who are married, I offer this reminder: Your marriage is not just about your personal happiness, but about your mutual sanctification and your witness to the world. As you navigate the joys and challenges of married life, remember that you are telling a story larger than yourselves – a story of commitment, forgiveness, and enduring love.
And to those who have experienced the pain of divorce or the loss of a spouse, know that God’s grace is sufficient, and His love for you is not diminished. Your story is not over, and your experiences, however painful, can be redeemed and used for God’s glory.
Marriage, when embraced in its fullness, offers us a unique opportunity to live out the gospel in our daily lives. It challenges us to die to self, to love sacrificially, to forgive repeatedly, and to grow continually. It provides a stable foundation for raising children, should God bless us with them, and offers a powerful witness to a world hungry for examples of committed love.
So, as you contemplate marriage, or as you live out your marital vows day by day, remember the words of C.S. Lewis: “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” This is the kind of love that marriage calls us to – a love that looks beyond the present moment to the eternal, a love that seeks the best for the other, a love that reflects, however dimly, the very heart of God.
May we approach marriage, then, not as consumers looking for personal fulfillment, but as co-creators with God, building something beautiful, enduring, and eternally significant. For in saying “I do,” we’re not just joining our lives with another person – we’re saying “yes” to God’s invitation to participate in one of the most profound mysteries of human existence.
